Dad Mental Health

This morning I did an ad for a whole being health and wellness seminar my church is hosting. It caused me to reflect a bit more on my mental health the last little while. Change has been the centre of my family’s year. We moved, I changed jobs and therefore churches as well. Going from small town to city and from a larger to smaller house had our family buzzing.

Our four year old will still mention our old house and old church to declare how much she misses it and the moving process was incredibly emotional. Nothing like packing your entire life up to cause a crying breakdown. The needle that broke our four year old’s back, or heart I guess, was deflating my wife’s medicine ball. Did you know? Those darn things are the slowest to deflate? Well, we isolated the two children in a room with pizza and paw patrol, the two “p’s” of good parenting, and kept working.

Then, a newborn came. I thought I was doing alright with everything. Our newborn is healthy and doing super well. Our two other girls were loving her to bits. We had people helping us out. Everything was going fine. Except. . . Except I didn’t feel like it was going well.

I had taken things one step at a time but it all finally hit me. I couldn’t shake my negative thoughts and mental health was poor. I needed something.

I have a new support group through my district of churches and through that I sensed God was calling me his child who was loved and from that I knew I was even spiritually okay. God extended grace to me in my quiet times with him when there was no room, it seemed, for quiet time.

So what to do? Well, I’m not sure I know fully, but a couple things changed and helped my outlook. Routine and doing the things I love.

I would NEVER have proclaimed the benefits of routine in my early 20’s but man alive, getting back to work, getting a bit active, getting the girls into their programs, all helped brighten my day. Not only that, but it’s mostly things I love. I collaborated with a few people for various ministries in the church and have several speaking engagements lined up right away. And next I’ll be spending time with some great leaders who invest into each other’s lives.

I know I don’t have the keys to battling mental health issues every time, but these two things, routine and doing what I love, really helped. That and starring at my newborn. She’s amazing.

In the end, it makes me wonder about God’s kingdom that’s breaking into our world. I can’t help but think that in some way routine and passions were and are the in-breaking of his kingdom into my life. They helped me get out of my funk and bring happiness. And of course… we all know that holding, smelling and talking to a newborn is definitely God’s kingdom breaking into our world.

 

Just Keep praying… praying… praying

Our small group just switched up our focus. From a study on James to narrowing in on prayer. The new premise is around circling the promises that God has and praying into them. Simple, right! 

Of course one could take the idea and go off in anger, saying ridiculous things like, “I’ll circle the Ferrari at West-Edmonton mall,” in complete sarcasm, at which time I proceed kicking them in the face (more sarcasm). Of course the words of Jesus were not simply, “whatever you ask you get,” but whatever you ask “in my name” or “according to my will.” The problem is that we think God’s will is some ominous and far off plan that we know nothing about. 

Thessalonians is clear, the will of God for us is to be sanctified (1 Thess 4). But the question of course, is this: What is God’s specific will for me in that sanctification? Well . . . Let’s begin with the base of sanctification, namely, surrender. In order for God to sanctify us, we must give up ourselves to God so God’s will can take up residence in and through us. 

Now that God’s will is at work and he can do as he wishes, then we look at what he promises to his people. We can look at scripture to see his promise of peace or adoption or care etc. But then we look specifically at individuals and how he created them. If we honour creation(with the knowledge of brokenness and sin) then we need to look at who “I” am and how God has made me, along with an assessment of my current situation. For example: You are unsatisfied with the job you have, so we must ask, what’s your passion and what are you good at? Then we ask for God’s peace in letting go of the one job and the revealing of another. Maybe he gives peace to stay put for now and maybe he tells us to move on, but in any case, he draws us closer to himself (THIS IS THE MAIN POINT AFTERALL).

This is the type of promise we circle to pray into everyday. The premise is God actually cares for us and hears our prayers. He is a God who created us for things, namely his work and purpose. SO, when we are dissatisfied or see a need in our life that needs prayer, maybe, just maybe, it’s God saying, “Its time seek me and what I have for you.” This is circling something in prayer and not letting it go. Once we find that thing that the Lord is leading us to, we must claim it. If the Lord has for me, why shouldn’t I? Simple right? 

As I think about prayer, I can easily get confused or angry. I should be able to tell God what I want, whatever it is, and he’ll give it, right? That’s what I often feel (thanks to sin and culture), which leads to disappointment in God. When, it is really my beliefs that have the problem. I need to actually see that God has some pretty great promises for me and us, the church. And in fact, they are better and richer than we could ever ask or imagine. 

 

Fitting Into a Church

Fit. Do I fit here or there? Since coming into ministry part time and full time the past 6 years, I see something that’s either concerning or encouraging. You be the judge. People often come to a church or leave a church based on what is available for themselves and their family. Maybe rightly so. We all need to find a fit, but soon our attitude changes. “If I am a senior and there is nothing for a senior to do then I’m out.” Or “if I have a child and there is nothing for families , I’m out.” The list can go on. Here is a concern I see in our view of church:

Let’s just get together, aka, “The social club affect.” We do need to be a community. This means there can be events that we go to and are organized as simply social. They can be social for specific ages, genders or stages in life. The Issue: Most churches in Canada are small. There are often 200 or less people, busy people. People who only have so much time. Let’s say we plan a family event, a senior event, a children event, singles event, and a young adult event. All social in nature. Where is there time to teach people scripture? Where is the time to disciple leaders? Where is the time to pray for one another? I wouldn’t mind the social events if we were such great disciples that the events turned into a prayer meeting for our towns, or if we encouraged one another in prayer or scripture. But let’s face it, 2-10% of people are mature enough to do this. In result, church becomes just another social organization. Is this bad?

We have to look at the mandate of Scripture. What does God tell us the church is? Acts is clear that it is a gathering of believers. They shared everything together, including meals and money. But let’s look at what they were doing. Even their Trustees (who wiped tables and served) were preaching the Gospel to those who have never heard. They were men filled with the Holy Spirit and desired to see Christ fill the world. Is this our passion? Jesus told us to “make disciples” (Matt 28:19). The church cannot put on events or programs for every single group of people or we’ll die.

When we evaluate a church to say we don’t fit, I ask why? Why do you not fit? The answer is usually this: “There is not enough for me and I don’t see the church having anything for my family.” My question is this: Have you asked about the vision of the church and at what stage the church is at? Are they in development of leaders or programs? Are we concerned with social events more than growth of disciples? The church is more than its face value.

COMMUNITY OF BELIEVERS: When the church says its a community, it means we’re family. It means we are a family who are striving for the kingdom of Jesus! The question need not be “what is there for me,” but how can we grow spiritually and work for the kingdom together?

Churches: We need to be asking this question and evaluating consistently.

Believers: Be patient. Especially if the church is attempting to move forward. Be a part of the solution not the transient crisis we are a part of.

North Americans(we) are consumers: We shop shop shop. If we don’t find what we like at Walmart, we go to Costco. If Costco is mistreating us, we go to Superstore. If one church is isn’t serving exactly our tastes, it’s time to move on. This mentality kills the church.

To be the church we must invest ourselves in a community for the purpose of growing each other in CHRIST through tough and joyous times alike. Jesus put up with us. He died for us. Let’s work together for the Kingdom of God. Let’s keep watch of our priorities and “seek first the Kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things(needs) will be added to you.” We must listen to Jesus’ words and the rest of scripture in how to be the church. Then we can be as creative as we like in being the church, but we must keep our Identity.

 

A Point to New Years

December 14 marked my musical debut as Henry in Four Tickets to Christmas. I sang, I acted, I had a good time. In the musical I have this one line as I reconnect with my Father whom I have not had a good relationship. It goes like this: “Christmas is a good time to start things.” Though New Years resolutions have a bad rep New Years can be a great time of reflection.

My wife and I enjoy road trips. Our most recent 6.5 hour drive helped us meet our new niece! But, the reason we enjoy the road trip is because it sparks reflection for us. New Years helps spark that along and we begin to dream in the new year in light of the last. New Years doesn’t have to hold a cliche but can be a powerful time of re-evaluation of where you’re at. Low and Behold here are some results of what Nadine and I talked about:

1) Time to de-clutter and focus: Our lives are cluttered with too much that we cannot focus on our passions and gifts the Lord has given. We lose who we are in the midst of massive responsibility and a refusal to say no. Even though my job is ministry in a church, I am not the church and cannot fill every gap.

2) Spiritual Conversation is Important: We received a classic gift this Christmas: My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers and for 2013 we are going throughit together. Two days already accomplished! Woo! It has already strengthened our marriage in 2 days. I look forward to strengthening our marriage Spiritually this entire year.

3) My Passions: This season has helped me reflect once again on who I am. I love pastoring people into their passions and mentoring them into what this Christian walk is. Preaching & Teaching (when I can focus on it and not rush a message) is where I thrive. Though I enjoy vision and constructing a purpose and plan for ministry and though I love music and leading people in worship, unless they are coupled with the above gifts, my life is too cluttered and not lending itself to what I made to do.

Of course lots was talked about and this is a mere synopsis of it all. As Oswald has been teaching me, I need to pass it all over to God and let God himself tell me what to do. I hear a Carrie Underwood song coming on . . .

 

Dreaming is a Necessity

I always loved dreaming about what to do in life. I am in a career path at the moment and lovin it, but I always love to envision myself in other places. I have dreamt of being a teacher and can place that within my career, but what about the extravagant?

Another dream I have had is acting. It didn’t matter whether it was the stage or film, but just the thrill of acting. Here’s why I say this: The Hobbit! I Just watched a bit of this video of behind the scenes. Just to be the “Craft Service Manager” would be cool! Making lattes for Frodo? Sounds great. Get the benefits of being in New Zealand with a low pressure job! Ok I admit, I would also love to be Frodo! Maybe I can be an on-set Spiritual Care Person for films?

Dreaming is a part of life. But then, how can I be content with life where I’m at when I dream of being somewhere else? Why am I here? Well, thanks for popping my dream bubble Brandon! The truth is this: I have desired to help people find true life in Christ my entire life, notwithstanding some bumps in the road. And being a pastor is how I have chosen to live it out. Dreaming can deter me when times are hard as a pastor. Of course grass is greener in another dream. Should that deter me from dreaming? No, because dreams can also do something else, something divine even.

We are created to dream. Our imagination sets us free from the constraints of our situation and can help us look into it from the outside. Thinking outside the box is difficult when we have to live in the box. So, we dream! Dreaming of being a Craft Service Manager for Peter Jackson and Frodo can turn into an Einstein moment in life. Though it hasn’t yet, I can still dream! Who knows, maybe God is the one giving us these dreams? Joseph was convinced that his dreams were from God (of course we know they were), despite the backlash from his brothers and godly father! Though he didn’t know how it would all work out, he still dreamt. Joseph kept that dream pocketed for years but he did keep it and it came about. We need look for moments where our dreams can be integrated into life. I think this will invigorate and re-imagine life. It will give us hope, passion and purpose like never before.

Dreaming is a Necessity! We need it in so many ways. It brings light, joy, fun, prophecy, direction. I could unpack any of the above. Without it, we miss out on re-invigorating life. God uses imagination for us to dream in this world. To dream of how to be all he has created us to be. Dreaming makes us human! So here’s what I say to that: Dream away humans and see what the Lord does!