Dad Mental Health

This morning I did an ad for a whole being health and wellness seminar my church is hosting. It caused me to reflect a bit more on my mental health the last little while. Change has been the centre of my family’s year. We moved, I changed jobs and therefore churches as well. Going from small town to city and from a larger to smaller house had our family buzzing.

Our four year old will still mention our old house and old church to declare how much she misses it and the moving process was incredibly emotional. Nothing like packing your entire life up to cause a crying breakdown. The needle that broke our four year old’s back, or heart I guess, was deflating my wife’s medicine ball. Did you know? Those darn things are the slowest to deflate? Well, we isolated the two children in a room with pizza and paw patrol, the two “p’s” of good parenting, and kept working.

Then, a newborn came. I thought I was doing alright with everything. Our newborn is healthy and doing super well. Our two other girls were loving her to bits. We had people helping us out. Everything was going fine. Except. . . Except I didn’t feel like it was going well.

I had taken things one step at a time but it all finally hit me. I couldn’t shake my negative thoughts and mental health was poor. I needed something.

I have a new support group through my district of churches and through that I sensed God was calling me his child who was loved and from that I knew I was even spiritually okay. God extended grace to me in my quiet times with him when there was no room, it seemed, for quiet time.

So what to do? Well, I’m not sure I know fully, but a couple things changed and helped my outlook. Routine and doing the things I love.

I would NEVER have proclaimed the benefits of routine in my early 20’s but man alive, getting back to work, getting a bit active, getting the girls into their programs, all helped brighten my day. Not only that, but it’s mostly things I love. I collaborated with a few people for various ministries in the church and have several speaking engagements lined up right away. And next I’ll be spending time with some great leaders who invest into each other’s lives.

I know I don’t have the keys to battling mental health issues every time, but these two things, routine and doing what I love, really helped. That and starring at my newborn. She’s amazing.

In the end, it makes me wonder about God’s kingdom that’s breaking into our world. I can’t help but think that in some way routine and passions were and are the in-breaking of his kingdom into my life. They helped me get out of my funk and bring happiness. And of course… we all know that holding, smelling and talking to a newborn is definitely God’s kingdom breaking into our world.

 

Christmas Then & Now

Christmas has come and gone. All that is left is the tune in my head perpetually asking, “what are you doing for New Year’s Eve” and a dried out Christmas tree. Oh, and a huge mess of dishes and wrapping paper and no room to store the new toys. But this isn’t what strikes me the most.

Satisfaction. That is what is striking me. Never before has this been the post Christmas feeling. As a kid I threw all my weight into Christmas Eve, Santa bringing me what I wanted, and the chaos of Christmas Day. I’m not sure if it’s having two daughters or the mental preparations, specifically designing everything from Black Friday with everything Christmas, but in the end here I am, content.

Having kids at Christmas is awesome. The lights, the chocolate & candy, the presents, the family, the concerts and more are all new for a 2 year old and so I too get to see it al anew. And over that she’s already getting the basics of baby Jesus. It’s triggered more bible times for her and I. Just last night, getting home late from the city, she asked for bible with her snack.

But in this Christmas season I’ve embraced the word “season.” No more hyped anticipation of Christmas Eve. Christmas is a month long and needs to be taken as such. Cookie baking, decorating, signing, it’s all Christmas. Christmas isn’t a day, it’s a season. Advent has helped me with this. It truly is a season of preparation. But the key is the preparation is the event.

Preparation is not simply necessary in order to get to the destination. Like Christ preparing us for himself and eternity, today is no less salvation then when we enter that glorious kingdom in its fullness. So I embrace the season and find myself content. And tired. And ready for New Years.

Content with Christmas and what it has brought, content with my souls and it’s preparation, I now go back to asking my beautiful wife in lustrous notes, “what are you doing New Years, New Year’s Eve?”

 

The Art or Science of Becoming a Dad

I am a Dad! I have to get used to saying/admitting that. I think that’s why pregnancy is 9 months. The transition from not to am is bizarre and complex. From physical to mental to spiritual, every area of your life transitions. 

My wife is in pain. She will be the first to admit it. The first 6 months seemed like a breeze(for her) and now the pain is settling in for the last stretch. But, it seems I have had more sickness over the past 6.5 months than her. Contracting a rare virus and a sinus infection was weird. Our house is even changing. But to think that the baby will soon go from the inside to the outside of the womb blows my mind. Just the fact that the only thing separating me from the baby is some skin and womb and stuff. Everytime she kicks my hand, the more real it gets.

From physical to mental. The physical helps the mental. From Nadine really really showing now to the baby kicking me, it all helps to mentally prepare for a third party arrival. But so did the puppy we got a while ago. Who’s decision was that?

And Spiritual. I think the majority of this is yet to come. I do find myself automatically praying for my child during pray times and throughout the day. But the idea of parenting is just that, a simple idea. “Raising a child in the way she should go” soon takes on physical parenting form. Watching my good friend parent his 3 children at a spray park was hilariously awakening. From calling at them to stop climbing on the equipment to chasing his son who was running away to the “dry” park nearby, it was a hoot to watch. But, then it hit me. I have to parent. My friend made a sly remark as two little feet made wet marks on the cement, “Remember the time there were only one set of footprints?” The child just scampered away to be peppered by more water, but it hit me. I have a Spiritual responsibility with prayer. I have to teach my kids, for the first time, who JEsus is and why he matters. I become an evangelist and teacher and preacher. I bear the all the spiritual gifts for my children. Not because I am gifted in them all, but because I’m Dad. Of course Mom will bear the ones I suck at thankfully, but their little vulnerable soul is in my hands and my job is to recognize and hand them back to God daily. 

So I just wrote things I know nothing about. They are still ideas. Though i’ve held countless babies and played extensively with nephews and nieces. But, as the sermon I am I about to preach to others declares, “We are more than conquerors through him who loves us.” Show me the love Jesus